" I dont wana be known as the girl you played with , but the girl that changed you for the good "

Just because you apologized, it doesn’t mean everything is alright. An apology can’t repair a person who’s been slowly breaking down over a long period of time. Don’t expect things to be great overnight.

And although I may seem quiet and conservative to you, my mind has a lot to say.. but I know that some things are better left unsaid.

And maybe I am gullible, but it’s only a matter of time before I realize the truth.

Don’t assume that I don’t take things seriously, and that I don’t have feelings.. ‘cause maybe I just appear to be happy, maybe I’m laughing on the outside just to make you think you can’t hurt me.

But underneath this smile, I am depressed. Underneath this laughter, I’m actually crying inside. Underneath my shield, I’m already broken.

I cried at school today bcos I had to move on and say goodbye to alla my bad habits. & one was a person I truly loved. but I kept on saying : " you gota let some shit go in order to move on " but I havent felt the effect of it yet. and unfortunately I couldnt control myself but cry to myself and break down in front of the people who was always there for me , yet I still did something bad by taking my anger out on people . and I knew I would be REALLY sorry when I did that. I jst cant face the fact that my bad habits are starting to create someone I never knew or wanted to be. Its sad to watch myself fall apart all over some small things. Jst like yesterday , I cried to myself while looking at the mirror bcos I knew I had become someone I didnt realize I would transform to. I wna change for the better , not the bad . Im sorry truly for all the people who watched me be a completely different person , bcos of my anger. The pain can really eat me up inside , and jst burst out bcos I have no one to vent to. I know I havent really been blogging my feelings on my blogspot. Maybe thats what I need to do more often . Blog to yall' people who actually take the time to read these worthless blogs I call " venting " .but really, some people dont understand how much I need them at the moment . I might sound selfish for saying that people never cares , but the things people do make me feel like the dont care . Yaa feeel me tho ? Obviously , you could tell I've been crying alot lately about totally different things ,yet they connect in the weirdest ways I can imagine. Im so sorry for all the people I disrespected and treated like shit bcos I was feeling like shit at the moment . And yes , Im still feeling like shit , bcos of so many reasons , and everytime people ask me whats wrong , I never feel the need to answer them bcos I hate to explain myself all of the time . If people would really care, they wouldnt need to ask me anything bcos they would already know wsup w/ my life. And my life , its HOPELESSLY TEARING APART, when my outside is all smiles ,. its slowly turning to frown . I need guidance, unconditional love, and everything else . bcos I really do need it at the moment . ohgosh, im feeling so effing selfish now ): and the fact that the person I ignored and avoided for like 5 months talks to me for the first time yesterday , meen. It was so shocking.. I actually poured out alla the things I wanted to say, but I knew I shouldnt have said anything in the first place. But one of the problems I'm trying to solve right now is trying to tell people more often how I feel so I dont bottle it up inside yet I seem to fail everytime. everything starts doing the opposite of what I expect... FML THO.