My Great Escape ;
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
MyBrokenShield.

" I dont wana be known as the girl you played with , but the girl that changed you for the good "


Just because you apologized, it doesn’t mean everything is alright. An apology can’t repair a person who’s been slowly breaking down over a long period of time. Don’t expect things to be great overnight.

And although I may seem quiet and conservative to you, my mind has a lot to say.. but I know that some things are better left unsaid.

And maybe I am gullible, but it’s only a matter of time before I realize the truth.

Don’t assume that I don’t take things seriously, and that I don’t have feelings.. ‘cause maybe I just appear to be happy, maybe I’m laughing on the outside just to make you think you can’t hurt me.

But underneath this smile, I am depressed. Underneath this laughter, I’m actually crying inside. Underneath my shield, I’m already broken.


I cried at school today bcos I had to move on and say goodbye to alla my bad habits. & one was a person I truly loved. but I kept on saying : " you gota let some shit go in order to move on " but I havent felt the effect of it yet. and unfortunately I couldnt control myself but cry to myself and break down in front of the people who was always there for me , yet I still did something bad by taking my anger out on people . and I knew I would be REALLY sorry when I did that. I jst cant face the fact that my bad habits are starting to create someone I never knew or wanted to be. Its sad to watch myself fall apart all over some small things. Jst like yesterday , I cried to myself while looking at the mirror bcos I knew I had become someone I didnt realize I would transform to. I wna change for the better , not the bad . Im sorry truly for all the people who watched me be a completely different person , bcos of my anger. The pain can really eat me up inside , and jst burst out bcos I have no one to vent to. I know I havent really been blogging my feelings on my blogspot. Maybe thats what I need to do more often . Blog to yall' people who actually take the time to read these worthless blogs I call " venting " .but really, some people dont understand how much I need them at the moment . I might sound selfish for saying that people never cares , but the things people do make me feel like the dont care . Yaa feeel me tho ? Obviously , you could tell I've been crying alot lately about totally different things ,yet they connect in the weirdest ways I can imagine. Im so sorry for all the people I disrespected and treated like shit bcos I was feeling like shit at the moment . And yes , Im still feeling like shit , bcos of so many reasons , and everytime people ask me whats wrong , I never feel the need to answer them bcos I hate to explain myself all of the time . If people would really care, they wouldnt need to ask me anything bcos they would already know wsup w/ my life. And my life , its HOPELESSLY TEARING APART, when my outside is all smiles ,. its slowly turning to frown . I need guidance, unconditional love, and everything else . bcos I really do need it at the moment . ohgosh, im feeling so effing selfish now ): and the fact that the person I ignored and avoided for like 5 months talks to me for the first time yesterday , meen. It was so shocking.. I actually poured out alla the things I wanted to say, but I knew I shouldnt have said anything in the first place. But one of the problems I'm trying to solve right now is trying to tell people more often how I feel so I dont bottle it up inside yet I seem to fail everytime. everything starts doing the opposite of what I expect... FML THO.

Written at 1:48 PM by yourstrulyJENN.
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Friday, September 25, 2009
LoveRollercoaster.
"You’ve taught me and showed me many things. You’ve taught me I can love, that people can care about me. Or so I thought….you showed me the feeling of being in someone’s arms when they mean the world to you. The feeling of compassion. So many wondeful things. Thank you for that. You’ve also showed me that people break promises, that people don’t always hold true to their word. You’ve taught me that you can love someone more than anything in the world, yet hate them just as much. That just because someone says something, that doesn’t mean it’s true. You’ve showed me how bad it hurts to have the guy you love and thought loved you push you away and treat you as if you are worthless. You’ve showed me wonderful things just as well as horrible things. I do thank you for both.You’ve now prepared me for the harsh world I am entering of two-faced people. People who say they care, but don’t always. Thank you for teaching me early."


Im tired of crying every night bcos of you . Its hard .. I have the feeling of getting you out of my life , and letting you stay , but your not showing me anything . No feelings , no signs , nothing ... I dont get it ... do you ever know how it feels to be me? a girl? w/ feelings thats actually in LOVE with you?!dk , I may be " blinded " from you , but I know what feels right and what doesnt , I am so clueless right now, crying myself , bcos I dont know what the fxck to do , please tell me what to do , cos I really do love you and I dont wna lose you now , im tired of explaining myself , and everything else between that .

Written at 10:25 PM by yourstrulyJENN.
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Monday, September 21, 2009
When Things Are Falling Apart.
"It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and when you want to move on but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it."
Written at 4:04 PM by yourstrulyJENN.
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